Chapter 1 - Food Glorious Food
"I don't know who the bloomin' 'eck he is!"
Holly took the bag of sugar from Matt and poured half of it into her mug of steaming tea, leaving him stood forlornly, the tea spoon limp in his hand.
"And he's still there?" he asked, watching her stirr the liquid with her finger.
"Been there for three flippin' days."
Matt retrived the bag of sugar from Holly and poked around the bottom trying in vain to scrape a spoonfull from what was left.
Holly and Matt's cenas were regular affairs, attempts to brush up their Spanish. One would cook, the other brought pudding and both would fail miserably to communicate in Spanish, the conversation often becoming reminiscent of an episode of Fawlty Towers with two Manuels. Today was Matt's turn to cook, and he scooped the starchy mess of rice from the pan and dumped it onto Holly's plate, removing a small portion for himself, before tipping a few pieces of burnt chicken onto each plate.
"Gracias", Holly muttered with what Matt took to be an indication that she though the food looked great.
The pair chatted on in 'Spanish'. Despite being a Yorkshire lass through and through, the absence of Holly's accent was notable. Except, that is, when she spoke Spanish, when it became blindingly obvious which part of the world she was from.
"And your sure you've no idea who he is?", Matt asked in broken Spanish.
"No," Holly replied, her Yorkshire accent growing stronger by the second. "He doesn't move except to go to the mirror to comb his hair, then he returns to my bed."
"How did he get there?"
"How the hell should I know?" she replied. "Where do you think he came from?"
Matt held up his hand for a second, walked towards the worktop, picked up his phone and said "Yes, dear", before placing it gently on the surface again.
"Janet," he explained in response to Holly's quizzing look, "she's been telling me about her new pair of shoes for nearly two days now."
Holly still wasn't sure if Matt and Janet's relationship was real or not. In fact, she was certain it was a trick and that everyone was having a good laugh at her for falling for it. And to think Janet was her best friend. How could she play such a cruel joke on her?
"Did you know," asked Matt, "that she has 371 shoes?"
"So many?"
"Doesn't that strike you as odd? 371? Where did the one come from? Why isn't there another joining it?"
Holly shrugged and, when Matt glanced nervously back towards the phone, tipped the 'food' on her plate into her shoe. And people wondered why her feet smelt. Still, it was better than eating that rubbish.
"Crikey, Holly," said Matt, seeing Holly's empty plate. "Would you like some more?"
"NO, thank you," Holly quickly replied. "I wouldn't want to deprive you, you're thin enough as it is."
Holly greatly disliked these cenas when Matt cooked. She'd once been so hungry having tipped her meal into her shoes that she'd been forced to eat Grant's copy of Breakfast Club as she walked home and had had to fob him off for nearly a month as she waited for the replacement to arrive from Amazon.
Feeling her stomach growl and seeing no stray DVDs to "borrow" Holly decided to make a rapid exit and find some real food.
Holly took the bag of sugar from Matt and poured half of it into her mug of steaming tea, leaving him stood forlornly, the tea spoon limp in his hand.
"And he's still there?" he asked, watching her stirr the liquid with her finger.
"Been there for three flippin' days."
Matt retrived the bag of sugar from Holly and poked around the bottom trying in vain to scrape a spoonfull from what was left.
Holly and Matt's cenas were regular affairs, attempts to brush up their Spanish. One would cook, the other brought pudding and both would fail miserably to communicate in Spanish, the conversation often becoming reminiscent of an episode of Fawlty Towers with two Manuels. Today was Matt's turn to cook, and he scooped the starchy mess of rice from the pan and dumped it onto Holly's plate, removing a small portion for himself, before tipping a few pieces of burnt chicken onto each plate.
"Gracias", Holly muttered with what Matt took to be an indication that she though the food looked great.
The pair chatted on in 'Spanish'. Despite being a Yorkshire lass through and through, the absence of Holly's accent was notable. Except, that is, when she spoke Spanish, when it became blindingly obvious which part of the world she was from.
"And your sure you've no idea who he is?", Matt asked in broken Spanish.
"No," Holly replied, her Yorkshire accent growing stronger by the second. "He doesn't move except to go to the mirror to comb his hair, then he returns to my bed."
"How did he get there?"
"How the hell should I know?" she replied. "Where do you think he came from?"
Matt held up his hand for a second, walked towards the worktop, picked up his phone and said "Yes, dear", before placing it gently on the surface again.
"Janet," he explained in response to Holly's quizzing look, "she's been telling me about her new pair of shoes for nearly two days now."
Holly still wasn't sure if Matt and Janet's relationship was real or not. In fact, she was certain it was a trick and that everyone was having a good laugh at her for falling for it. And to think Janet was her best friend. How could she play such a cruel joke on her?
"Did you know," asked Matt, "that she has 371 shoes?"
"So many?"
"Doesn't that strike you as odd? 371? Where did the one come from? Why isn't there another joining it?"
Holly shrugged and, when Matt glanced nervously back towards the phone, tipped the 'food' on her plate into her shoe. And people wondered why her feet smelt. Still, it was better than eating that rubbish.
"Crikey, Holly," said Matt, seeing Holly's empty plate. "Would you like some more?"
"NO, thank you," Holly quickly replied. "I wouldn't want to deprive you, you're thin enough as it is."
Holly greatly disliked these cenas when Matt cooked. She'd once been so hungry having tipped her meal into her shoes that she'd been forced to eat Grant's copy of Breakfast Club as she walked home and had had to fob him off for nearly a month as she waited for the replacement to arrive from Amazon.
Feeling her stomach growl and seeing no stray DVDs to "borrow" Holly decided to make a rapid exit and find some real food.
posted by Kirk Yetton | 4:00 pm
4 Comments:
I love the tension between the two characters. Any minute now they are going to leap into the hay in the barn and have hot sex as the horses almost stand on them.
Jilly Cooper
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This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Thank you Jilly. I'm glad you like it, though I don't think there are many horses hanging around the streets of St. Andrews. Are you going to Patricia Cornwell's party tonight?
G.W.
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