Put T' Kettle on, Luv!

Matt and Holly are getting married, but not everything will run as smoothly as it should. The organisers of the wedding aren't organised, Amandine wishes to repeat 1066 and Henry and Janet risk breaking the dress code. With such problems, will the big event go ahead? Other questions also require answers; who's the mysterious minister officiating at the ceremony, and how can a tough Georgie Mafia member fall in the love?

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Kirk Yetton sprang to fame, under the pseudonym Ghost Writer, after the surprise success of his debut novel, "Put T' Kettle On, Luv!" in 2006, which was nominated for the MF Prize and won the Golden Nagger for Crime (chosen by the pensioners of Great Britain). Since then he has written the hugely popular series of short stories for children, The Adventures of Skipper Bruce, which were adapted to form a popular television series. Kirk's latest project leaves the realm of fiction behind as he delves into the history of Yorkshire, the region which has taken him into its fold since he moved there in 1998. Kirk graduated in Romantic Fiction from Dundee University in 1994 (though he wishes it had been St Andrews) and now lives in Hebden Bridge with his Budgie, Peter.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Chapter 5 - Forgiven Not Forgotten

"Apparently I'm going to Hell," Matt told Holly, in English because his Spanish was not good enough to say as much.
"Hmm?" grunted Holly, her mind elsewhere as she carried her empty plate to the kitchen. Thankfully it had been her turn to cook this week, although that did mean that apple pie was for dessert for the eighth time this semester. It was only week three.
"According to the bloke from UCCF who spoke at CU last night, because I'm not going on a mission trip this summer I'm going to burn in the firey pit of doom along with women, Catholics and homosexuals."
"Oh," replied Holly.
"And because I listen to secular music and drink alcohol my life span will be reduced by 1.6%."
"That's nice."
"Also, the CU president wants to burn me for heresy for not conforming to UCCF's views."
"Heck."
"Holly, what's wrong? You clearly aren't listening to me!"
Holly denied this, pulling open the plastic packing which contained the apple pie with more force than was necessary. Of course she listened to Matt! She hung on to every word which came from his sweet lips.
"How can you say you were listening when you accepted that I was going to be burnt for heresy against UCCF? I mean, the other two might have been true, but that last one? Of all the ridiculous things..."
"It's not ridiculous," she replied, handing Matt a tin opener for the Ambrosia custard he had brought. "Have you never read the CU constitution?"
"Has anybody?" asked Matt.
"Only Kate, out of holiness, and myself, to avoid writing a Spanish essay," she answered, picking a corner of sugar-coated pastry from the top of the pie.
Holly could see the blood rising in Matt's veins and she felt something stirring deep inside of her in response. He looked so attractive when getting passionate about something. If only he were passionate about her. Still, she thought, that time would come...
The pair headed back to Holly's living room, almost dropping their dishes as the stranger from Holly's bed darted out of the door and back into her room.
In the living room Kate, Marc and Anna were sat silently watching the television. Matt had never seen anything else ever happen in that room. Scrubs and Malcolm in the Middle seemed to be on constant repeat as the household watched dumbstruck.
"The stranger's just been in," muttered Kate, quickly hushed by Marc.
"At the mirror again?" asked Holly, recieving a dirty look from Anna for interrupting their viewing.
Kate just nodded without tearing her eyes from the screen.
"Do you know who he is yet?" Matt dared to ask, gaining nothing but a cusion to the head for his trouble.
With nothing to console his curiousity he placed his empty bowl on the floor and went into Holly's room. The air was heavy and he had to step carefully between the books, laundry and little troll dolls which covered the floor in order to make it to the bed. The stranger was curled up with his thumb in his mouth. He wore a marroon Sweater Shop jumper and light brown trousers. Matt tapped him on the shoulder, but the stranger merely muttered something about his mother and turned over.
"Here you are." Matt jumped, startled, and turned to see Holly stood in the doorway.
"Adverts?" asked Matt. Holly nodded. He'd suspected as much.
"What's troubling you, Hols?" he asked as they made their way back to the kitchen to wash up.
It turned out Holly was worried about telling Nadia she was going to the DRA ball instead of the History Soc ball.

***

Holly was right to be concerned. Matt was, she'd been pleased to note, delighted that his friend was coming to the ball and that made confronting Nadia worth it. Nadia was, however, known to be a violent woman; she had once broken her wrist punching the man at the ice rink for giving her the wrong sized skates. Consequently Holly sat silently, watching Nadia take in the news that Holly was no longer going to her ball. She turned red, then blue and finally purple, but eventually took a few deep breaths and regained her composure.
"OK," she said. "Fine. You go to the DRA ball. And I hope you have fun."
Holly left Nadia's dwelling pleasantly surprised not to have conceded at least one black eye.
Nadia, however, silently vowed to get her revenge.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Ow would you, as a successful author, lahke to give a cash donation t' Labour party? If tha does, Tony'll mek sure tha gets a peerage or a stetson or sommat. What do thee reckon?

Mr. John Precott M.P.

5:07 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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5:12 pm  
Blogger Kirk Yetton said...

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