Put T' Kettle on, Luv!

Matt and Holly are getting married, but not everything will run as smoothly as it should. The organisers of the wedding aren't organised, Amandine wishes to repeat 1066 and Henry and Janet risk breaking the dress code. With such problems, will the big event go ahead? Other questions also require answers; who's the mysterious minister officiating at the ceremony, and how can a tough Georgie Mafia member fall in the love?

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Kirk Yetton sprang to fame, under the pseudonym Ghost Writer, after the surprise success of his debut novel, "Put T' Kettle On, Luv!" in 2006, which was nominated for the MF Prize and won the Golden Nagger for Crime (chosen by the pensioners of Great Britain). Since then he has written the hugely popular series of short stories for children, The Adventures of Skipper Bruce, which were adapted to form a popular television series. Kirk's latest project leaves the realm of fiction behind as he delves into the history of Yorkshire, the region which has taken him into its fold since he moved there in 1998. Kirk graduated in Romantic Fiction from Dundee University in 1994 (though he wishes it had been St Andrews) and now lives in Hebden Bridge with his Budgie, Peter.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Chapter 13 - Baila, Baila Conmigo

Holly looked down stunned at Jim. His face was a picture of hope, his cheeks rosy under the jet black perm, his hands outstretched clasping the plastic ring, offering it to the woman before him. "Er... I´m touched, Jim, really, but... NO!"
Jim´s eyes began to water, he looked up at her with puppy-dog eyes and pouted, but Holly just stared at him without sympathy. Her face told him all he needed to know and he leapt up and ran from the room.
"What was all that about, Ho?" asked Henry, an even larger space around him now that sweat was beginning to make his Y-fronts ever so slighly translucent.
"Just Jim being silly," she replied.
She glanced over Henry´s shoulder and saw Matt dancing like an old man. It appeared as though he were attempting to milk a cow but failing to gain any milk. He, like Henry, was recieving funny looks. Holly felt her stomach stirr. That boy could move! The way his body girated to the beat of the music was like nothing she, or anybody else, for that matter, had seen before. She had to dance with him, but James and Henry were now crowding her way. James had given up attempting to thread the needle and was now demonstrating his ability, or rather, his lack of it, to balace a cup of water on his nose, while Henry was explaining to Holly the problem he had with the English essay that was due in the following day, the problem being that he hadn´t done it.
Holly tried to escape, but she couldn´t.

***

Jim sat in the corner of the room. He had put on his best suit, he had polished his shoes, he had cleaned his teeth, he had permed his hair, and all for what? He had thought Holly would be impressed, but he had been wrong. His dreams were shattered, he would never be happy again but would live in misery. He would become a hermit, hidden from the world and devoting his life to Biblical study.
Amandine saw Jim sitting in the corner and took pitty on him. She cooed in all the right places as he told her what had happened and wiped away his tears with the pair of French knickers she kept in her pocket.
"Je get ze impression, Jim mon amie, zat Olly iz not impressed by anysing."
When Jim told her about his plans to become a hermit she just laughed. "Jim, you could never be a ermit, tu arre too noisy."
Jim looked into her face. Amanine merely made a W with her fingers and mouthed "Vinnerr". Jim grinned.
"Micheal Winner," he replied, and Amandine hit him playfully.

***

Holly sat listening to Henry moan about his essay for 45 minutes, while James´shirt was almost as wet as Henry´s Y-fronts by the time his glass of water actually stayed on his nose for more than a second. Finally she snapped, told Henry to go home and "do his bloody essay", punched him in the stomach and pushed James aside, ran towards Matt and pulled him tight against her body just as the DJ announced the tango.
It was a dance of pure passion. Matt had never been controlled by such a masterful woman before, and the thumbprint left on his forehead by Janet was masked by the bigger, dirtier print of Holly. The dance seemed to last an age, and when it finished both Matt and Holly were drenched in sweat. The guests were amazed that the dance had been so masterful.
Holly stared deep into Matt´s eyes and said in a husky voice, "I want you baby."

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