Appendix 2 - The Truth Behind the Fiction
Each chapter of this work of genius is named after a song, from classic Meatloaf to top-class Dillon, with that crappy Irish girl band from the '90s thrown in too. If the whole thing were to be named after a song, however, it would be Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World. The world, it cannot be denied, is wonderful, and not least because of the people that inhabit it. Each character in this story is based upon a real person, each one as colourful as their fictional counterpart and each one a truly amazing person.
With this in mind, it is necessary to reveal a little of the truth behind the characters.
Simon is not a scary member of the Geordie Mafia. In fact, the Geordie Mafia refused his application to join them because he was just too nice.
Pete and Jayne are not ghosts, but are alive, well and sickly sweet.
Holly would never be stupid enough go anywhere near Matt because his cooking is worse than you, gentle reader, may think. The fate of Grant's Breakfast Club DVD is known only to Holly herself.
UCCF are not quite the fascists they are here portrayed to be, although links to the Falange are rumoured.
Yes, Kate is perfect. I hate it too. She also wrongly thinks that America saved the British in the war and forgets that they turned up late.
James is as strange as he appears.
Henry comes in three parts; legend, man and myth - like the Trinity but less holy. He is an amazing bloke and will make a young lady very happy one day. It will not be Janet. He does secretly wear only white Y-fronts beneath his trousers.
Amandine does not wear a false moustache. The one she sports on special occassions is actually a real one which all French people of either sex have the ability to grow within an hour. She is obsessed with 1066 and dreams of Chirac taking the English crown.
Janet does not have 371 shoes, but actually a whopping 715. She owns an odd number quite simply because she lost one in a muddy bog.
Unlike the character in the novel, Jim does not know how to speak French.
With this in mind, it is necessary to reveal a little of the truth behind the characters.
Simon is not a scary member of the Geordie Mafia. In fact, the Geordie Mafia refused his application to join them because he was just too nice.
Pete and Jayne are not ghosts, but are alive, well and sickly sweet.
Holly would never be stupid enough go anywhere near Matt because his cooking is worse than you, gentle reader, may think. The fate of Grant's Breakfast Club DVD is known only to Holly herself.
UCCF are not quite the fascists they are here portrayed to be, although links to the Falange are rumoured.
Yes, Kate is perfect. I hate it too. She also wrongly thinks that America saved the British in the war and forgets that they turned up late.
James is as strange as he appears.
Henry comes in three parts; legend, man and myth - like the Trinity but less holy. He is an amazing bloke and will make a young lady very happy one day. It will not be Janet. He does secretly wear only white Y-fronts beneath his trousers.
Amandine does not wear a false moustache. The one she sports on special occassions is actually a real one which all French people of either sex have the ability to grow within an hour. She is obsessed with 1066 and dreams of Chirac taking the English crown.
Janet does not have 371 shoes, but actually a whopping 715. She owns an odd number quite simply because she lost one in a muddy bog.
Unlike the character in the novel, Jim does not know how to speak French.
posted by Kirk Yetton | 1:05 am
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