Prologue
The sun had been shining all day, something rather unusual in Huddersfield. Despite this, the tracksuited teenagers hanging around outside the Kingsgate Shopping Centre refused to remove their Adidas jackets and their hoods remained up, covering their shaved skulls. Sweat poured down their foreheads as they circled the graffitied metal benches, waving their arms to the beat of 50 Pence, the latest rap sensation.
"It's too warm for them to dress like that," an elderly shopper muttered to her friend as she wobbled past.
"Shut up," shouted the nearest adolescent, his faux faux gold bracelet clanging on his wrist. "It's cool, man, an' Ah'm not even 'ot, am Ah. You're just not 'appenin' like we are, int it."
Through this scene walked Matt and Holly. She kept hitching up her tights under the long, woollen skirt, while he showed what Holly thought an indecent amount of leg below the turnup of his shorts. They entered Burger King, and Holly sat down while Matt approached the counter.
"I'll have a Big Mac and a Double Bacon Cheese Burger please," he told the spotted youth.
"Where d' yer think y' are, McDonalds?" replied the teenager, giving his customer a withering look.
Matt ignored him, Big Mac, Whopper, it was the same bloody thing, but he didn't think the youth would appreciate being told so. "And could you clean that bit of floor next to the table, please." The teenager gave him another withered look, one that this time said that the floors hadn't been cleaned in a while and certainly wouldn't be cleaned before the end of his shift.
Matt took the plastic tray with his order and strolled over to Holly, sat watching the tracksuited adolescents through the window. He opened his rucksack and took out a candle, placed it in the middle of the table and lit it.
"Wow, Matt, this is really romantic," said Holly sarcastically.
"I know," replied her boyfriend, thinking she was being sincere.
Once they had finished Matt took Holly's sweaty palms in his, much to the latter's discomfort, and tried to look into her eyes.
"Holly," he said, "I want you to know that I really, really love you." Then, deciding that the patch of floor wasn't going to be cleaned before closing, slid from his plastic chair onto one knee in front of his beloved. "Holly, my love, mi amore, will you do me the great honour of marrying me?"
Holly looked down at him and was about to reply and when the spotty youth from the counter poked her lover with a wet mop.
"'Ow 'm I s'posed to clean the bloody floor when yer sat on it?" he asked, pushing the mop around Matt's knee before slouching off.
Matt swore inaudibly at him and turned back to Holly.
"Erm, as I was saying, Holly, amore mía, will you do me the great honour of become my wife?"
Holly thought about it for a second before replying.
"Aye, all right then."
Matt fished in his pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag, from which he extracted what looked like a Hula Hoop with an Iced Gem glued to it. This he attempted to slide onto Holly's ring finger, but the sweat caused it to break up on contact, and Matt was forced to promise her a real ring as it fell apart, causing the spotted youth to mutter that he'd "just cleaned that bloody floor".
Ignoring him, Matt and Holly linked little fingers and walked happily out into the sunshine.
"It's too warm for them to dress like that," an elderly shopper muttered to her friend as she wobbled past.
"Shut up," shouted the nearest adolescent, his faux faux gold bracelet clanging on his wrist. "It's cool, man, an' Ah'm not even 'ot, am Ah. You're just not 'appenin' like we are, int it."
Through this scene walked Matt and Holly. She kept hitching up her tights under the long, woollen skirt, while he showed what Holly thought an indecent amount of leg below the turnup of his shorts. They entered Burger King, and Holly sat down while Matt approached the counter.
"I'll have a Big Mac and a Double Bacon Cheese Burger please," he told the spotted youth.
"Where d' yer think y' are, McDonalds?" replied the teenager, giving his customer a withering look.
Matt ignored him, Big Mac, Whopper, it was the same bloody thing, but he didn't think the youth would appreciate being told so. "And could you clean that bit of floor next to the table, please." The teenager gave him another withered look, one that this time said that the floors hadn't been cleaned in a while and certainly wouldn't be cleaned before the end of his shift.
Matt took the plastic tray with his order and strolled over to Holly, sat watching the tracksuited adolescents through the window. He opened his rucksack and took out a candle, placed it in the middle of the table and lit it.
"Wow, Matt, this is really romantic," said Holly sarcastically.
"I know," replied her boyfriend, thinking she was being sincere.
Once they had finished Matt took Holly's sweaty palms in his, much to the latter's discomfort, and tried to look into her eyes.
"Holly," he said, "I want you to know that I really, really love you." Then, deciding that the patch of floor wasn't going to be cleaned before closing, slid from his plastic chair onto one knee in front of his beloved. "Holly, my love, mi amore, will you do me the great honour of marrying me?"
Holly looked down at him and was about to reply and when the spotty youth from the counter poked her lover with a wet mop.
"'Ow 'm I s'posed to clean the bloody floor when yer sat on it?" he asked, pushing the mop around Matt's knee before slouching off.
Matt swore inaudibly at him and turned back to Holly.
"Erm, as I was saying, Holly, amore mía, will you do me the great honour of become my wife?"
Holly thought about it for a second before replying.
"Aye, all right then."
Matt fished in his pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag, from which he extracted what looked like a Hula Hoop with an Iced Gem glued to it. This he attempted to slide onto Holly's ring finger, but the sweat caused it to break up on contact, and Matt was forced to promise her a real ring as it fell apart, causing the spotted youth to mutter that he'd "just cleaned that bloody floor".
Ignoring him, Matt and Holly linked little fingers and walked happily out into the sunshine.
posted by Kirk Yetton | 1:05 pm
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