Put T' Kettle on, Luv!

Matt and Holly are getting married, but not everything will run as smoothly as it should. The organisers of the wedding aren't organised, Amandine wishes to repeat 1066 and Henry and Janet risk breaking the dress code. With such problems, will the big event go ahead? Other questions also require answers; who's the mysterious minister officiating at the ceremony, and how can a tough Georgie Mafia member fall in the love?

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Kirk Yetton sprang to fame, under the pseudonym Ghost Writer, after the surprise success of his debut novel, "Put T' Kettle On, Luv!" in 2006, which was nominated for the MF Prize and won the Golden Nagger for Crime (chosen by the pensioners of Great Britain). Since then he has written the hugely popular series of short stories for children, The Adventures of Skipper Bruce, which were adapted to form a popular television series. Kirk's latest project leaves the realm of fiction behind as he delves into the history of Yorkshire, the region which has taken him into its fold since he moved there in 1998. Kirk graduated in Romantic Fiction from Dundee University in 1994 (though he wishes it had been St Andrews) and now lives in Hebden Bridge with his Budgie, Peter.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Chapter 8 - Here, There and Everywhere

Janet sat on the bed, bewildered.
"He's here," she whispered to herself. "He's here."
There was a knock on the bedroom door and Janet's flatmate entered."What's up, love?" she asked. Janet just held up the shoelace, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her flatmate just looked at her.
"It's his," Janet sobbed.
"His?"
"The love of my life."
"What, Matt's?"
But Janet just shook her head sadly. "And he's here."

***

"But who is he?" Simon asked.
Holly just shook her head. The time had come to discover the identity of the stranger in her bed and Simon seemed the perfect person to do just that.
"Right," he said, "let's go and see him."
Holly opened the door to her bedroom and Simon wrinkled his nose as he picked his way towards the bed. Holly followed from behind, imagining it was Matt she was watching approach her bed, though banished this thought as she glanced at Kate, who appeared to know exactly what she was thinking. You could see it in her eyes. She knew all.
Simon sat down on the bed, and put a hand on the marroon sweatered shoulder."Excuse me, mate," he said, shaking the stranger gently. There was no response. "Hey, mate." Still no response.
Simon nodded at Holly and Kate that they should go outside and close the door, which they did. He then grabbed the stranger's collar and flung him onto his back, slapping him across the face. The Geordie Mafia took no prisoners. The stranger woke up with a start, and stared wide-eyed into Simon's face for a few seconds.
"Who are you?" asked Simon.
The stranger continued to stare at him for a few seconds before pursing his lips, as though about to say something, but finally closed his eyes again.
"Oy! Who are you?" shouted Simon, shaking him again.
The stranger's eyes opened once more and he looked at the figure looming over him.
"Quintus," he said.
Simon smiled. Who said violence wasn't the answer?
But the stranger hadn't finished.
"Quintus est en horto." He shut his eyes, but then opened one again and added; "et circumspectat."
And with that he closed his eye, rolled over and put his thumb in his mouth.Sound asleep. Simon shook his head. There was nothing he could do.
As he left the room he saw Nadia and Marc coming down the stairs onto the landing.
"Thanks for the tip off, Nadia," Simon said.
"No problem, Simon. Anything to help out," and she grinned at Holly.
"What was she tipping you off about?" Holly asked as they entered the living room, where The Simpsons flickered on the TV screen.
"Matt," he replied, "trying to get this speed dating rubbish up and running."
Holly's stomach dropped. With Simon's Geordie Mafia connections...
Simon confirmed her fears. "He won't be going to the ball, that's for sure."

***

"I'll put the kettle on, love, and you can tell me all about it."
Janet's flatmate went into the kitchen and Janet followed behind.
"Well," she began, sitting at the kitchen table, "it began in my first year, at the ball."
"Hmm?"
"I was dancing with Holly when I saw this good looking piece of meat from across the room and I couldn't resist. I went over to him and we danced all night."
"Aww, that's nice."
"But when the ball finished he told me he had to go, he was being hunted. Didn't tell me why or who by. But he gave me his shoe to remember him by and told me he'd let me know when I was to see him again. Now what do I do?"And she broke down in tears once more.
"Well, you could marry this dream guy and carry on with Matt on the side, you know, just so you don't break his heart."
Janet considered this possibility. It was certainly an idea.
But no, she couldn't do that. So she broke down in tears once more.
Matt or the dream guy? Which should she choose?

Chapter 7 - Dirty Old Egg-Suckin' Dog

"Are you going anywhere nice on holiday this year?"
Jim lay back in his seat, his head vigiorously massaged by the young woman with deep blue masacra on her eyelids, thick pink gloss on her lips, a thick layer of foundation which appeared to include the ground and upper stories also and a copious application of blusher. It was Saturday afternoon, and Jim's hair was being prepared for his perm. On his left sat Enid, a pensioner from Hepburn Gardens who was having a blue rinse and who, despite having met her only two minutes earlier, Jim now cherished like a sister.
"Nowhere exciting," Jim replied, "but last summer I did an amazing mission in my home town, near Alton Towers..."
"Oh, the theme park?"
"Yeah!"
"Aww, I love it there."
"Winner."

***

Janet's rucksack was ready and packed for her weekend in St. Andrews. It contained very little; a small wash bag, two blouses, a jumper, a coat, a skirt, a pair of trousers, her dress, seventeen pairs of shoes and her underwear. After heaving it onto her back and wondering why such a lightly packed weekend bag should weigh so much, she made her way to the stairs, checking the postbox at the bottom on her way out. There was only one package, a small, brown, padded envelope. She opened it on the spot and stared, gobsmacked, at the contents.

***

Jim marched happily back from the hairdresses to DRA. His newly permed hair shone in the afternoon sun and people stared, Jim's teeth gleaming as he smiled at them and wished them good afternoon. Life was good.
As he turned onto Buchanan Gardens he spotted a recognisable figure lumbering up ahead of him and he jogged to catch up.
"Mr. Simon!" he said by way of a greeting.
"Wye-ay man," replied Simon. "How're you doin'?"
"Not bad, not bad. Just been for the perm," he pointed at the hair and Simon nodded appreciativly. "So what brings you to these parts?"
"Matt," Simon sighed and handed a sheet of tattered A4 to Jim, who read it aloud.
"Christian Speed Dating Society, brackets C.S.D.S., close brackets, first meeting tonight, 7pm, Victory Memorial Hall. Bring a friend."
Beneath this there was a picture of a clock and a cross and under this the slogan "Love thy neighbour - quickly". Finally, at the bottom was a series of Biblical references: Leviticus 19:18, Romans 9:28, Proverbs 7:18, Song of Songs 1:4.
"Ah," replied Jim. "At least he's justified it."
Simon merely tutted.
As they entered the DRA carpark Simon stood dumbstruck as he watched a tall, lanky teenager, his face pockmarked by acne, struggle under the weight of 6 Tesco carrier bags stuffed full of small chocolate eggs.
"Winner!" said Jim, "they'll be mine." And he hurried off.

***

Janet ran back up the stairs to her flat, flung open the door and crashed into her room, ignoring the shocked cries from her flatmates. She threw shoes out from under her bed until she found that shoe, the one. She looked closly at it, examining it carefully before tugging at the lace, pulling it roughly through each of the small holes in her desperation to remove it. She was frantic, almost screaming with frustation as little by little it came free and she was able to hold it up. From the envelope she took another, identical shoe lace.
It was the same. The matching lace.
Janet turned over the envelope and examined the postmark. JaƩn.
A tear rolled slowly down her cheek and dropped onto the shining leather of the shoe, leaving a small, salty stain.
He was here.

***

Simon didn't need to say anything. Once Matt had studied the poster that had been placed in his hands he knew why his former link group leader had come. This was accountability Geordie Mafia style.
Simon's giant fist landed heavily in Matt's stomach and he doubled over in pain, struggled to breathe. A knee like a mountain came up into his face, smashing his teeth and a final karate chop to the back of the neck left Matt on the ground.
Simon looked down at him. "Auf weidesein, pet," he said, and walked away.
That was all it took.

***

All it took for Jim was 168 Kinder Eggs. He lay on his double bed, surrounded by orange and white wrappers, chocolate smeared around his lips. He felt sick, but managed a smile as his sticky fingers held up the prize that would make Holly his.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Chapter 6 - One More Cup of Coffee

Henry, James, Jim and Matt sat in the warm, cosy surroundings of Taste. It was Friday night and the group were having their usual post-C.U. drinks to put off the long walk back to DRA. James was stood at the counter, chatting to the girl making coffee, while Jim was explaining what he had done on his gap year mission while Henry and Matt sat listening, unable to get a word in edgeways in order to ask where he had been. A young couple in the corner were sat on the leather sofa, nursing steaming cappacinos and muttering into each other's ears, their eyes locked together. Matt glanced at them, wishing he could take the place of the male and Janet that of the girl. He stared back down at his cup of spiced delight tea and caught, from the corner of his eye, a recognisable figure in a window across the street.
Holly was stood there, looking down into Taste. Matt's heart skipped a beat for a second at the sight of her silouette and he wondered why, coming to the conclusion that it must be the couple in the corner that had him feeling the need for some female company.
His train of thought, and, to the relief of both Matt and Henry, Jim's talk, was broken as James sat down on the stool and began folding the napkin he had brought from the counter. Henry picked up two coffee beans from the small dish on the table and put them up his nose, pretending to be a zombi before blowing them out again. Matt, deciding this seemed a fun game and lacking both common sense and an imagination of his own, did the same, only to be unable to get one of the beans out again. Begininning to panic, he put his finger inside his nostril in an attempt to retrive it, but succeeded only in pushing it further. The couple in the corner tore their eyes from each other for long enough to caste a dirty look in the small group's direction before returning to their gazing. Matt finally blew hard enough to expel the bean, accompanied by a small remnant of snot, from his nostril and into the eye of Holly, who had just entered from the street.
"Thanks guys," she grunted, pulling the bean from her eye and dropping it into Henry's hot chocolate.
"Holly," said Jim, "winner!" He pulled a stool over for Holly. She bent down, ajusted her tights and sat down, asking what James was making.
"A Stegosaurus," replied James. "I'm going to leave it here so they can put it on top of the coffee machine. You see that rat there?" The couple once again broke their gaze, grabbed their coats and made a hasty retreat into the street looking both horrified and disgusted. "I made it."
"That's nice," replied Holly, distracted by the couple's exit.
"Winner!" said Jim, stranding up and lauching himself front first onto the newly vacated leather sofa, where he lay wishing he'd put his coffe on the table first. The others joined him and Henry, wondering why his hot chocolate had suddenly acquired a hint of coffee, though enjoying the mix, asked if Holly was going to get a drink.
"Huh, dude," she replied, glancing at the prices on the board behind the counter. "I've come to ask if I can use someone's spare ticket for the DRA ball."
"I thought you were going to the History Soc one," replied Henry.
"Yeah, I was going to but prefer this one."
"You do know Nadia will kill you, right?" asked James.
"She seemed OK with it," answered Holly.
"Oh, that's good, because if not Captain James of the Black Pearl would fend her off. Arrgh!"
"Riiiight...", Holly turned to face Henry.
"Oh, oh, you can't have mine," said Henry, "because Katy's coming with me."
"Do you want to come with me?" asked Jim
"That'd be good, thanks Jim."
"Winner."

***

The group stayed in the small coffee shop until the girl got bored and politly asked them to leave at 2:30, asking again at 2:53 and finally forcibly ejecting them at 3:12. The walk home took even longer than usual as James insisted on threading the needle all the way back, not helped by the simple fact that he wasn't very good at it.
"Are you wearing a kilt to the ball?" Jim asked Henry.
"I don't know," he replied. "The kilt's good, but it's kinda cold on the legs. Trousers are so... English." He pulled a face, as though he'd just been given some of Matt's cooking.
"I'm glad Holly's coming with me," said Jim. "She's quite hot, know what I mean?"
"What?" asked Matt, shocked.
"I quite like her anyway," he answered, making a W with his fingers.
"Have you got your eye on anyone, Henners?" Matt enquired, wincing as he heard James behind him fall over once again and smash his face on the pavement.
"Erm... I don't know," Henry said, looking sheepish.
The rest of the walk was taken up by a hearty rendition of There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, performed by James and Matt, in which Liza and Henry turned out to be living in a desert with no internet connection in order to avoid paying their council tax and thus Henry was unable to fix the hole in his bucket.

***

It was 5.37 when Jim finally got back to his flat. He had encouraged the other three to play endless games of table football in the facilities building and now, instead of going to bed, sat in front of his computer screen and booked a perm for Saturday afternoon and ordered 200 Kinder Eggs from Tesco Online for next day delivery. He had to be ready for Holly on Sunday evening. This was his chance to shine.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Chapter 5 - Forgiven Not Forgotten

"Apparently I'm going to Hell," Matt told Holly, in English because his Spanish was not good enough to say as much.
"Hmm?" grunted Holly, her mind elsewhere as she carried her empty plate to the kitchen. Thankfully it had been her turn to cook this week, although that did mean that apple pie was for dessert for the eighth time this semester. It was only week three.
"According to the bloke from UCCF who spoke at CU last night, because I'm not going on a mission trip this summer I'm going to burn in the firey pit of doom along with women, Catholics and homosexuals."
"Oh," replied Holly.
"And because I listen to secular music and drink alcohol my life span will be reduced by 1.6%."
"That's nice."
"Also, the CU president wants to burn me for heresy for not conforming to UCCF's views."
"Heck."
"Holly, what's wrong? You clearly aren't listening to me!"
Holly denied this, pulling open the plastic packing which contained the apple pie with more force than was necessary. Of course she listened to Matt! She hung on to every word which came from his sweet lips.
"How can you say you were listening when you accepted that I was going to be burnt for heresy against UCCF? I mean, the other two might have been true, but that last one? Of all the ridiculous things..."
"It's not ridiculous," she replied, handing Matt a tin opener for the Ambrosia custard he had brought. "Have you never read the CU constitution?"
"Has anybody?" asked Matt.
"Only Kate, out of holiness, and myself, to avoid writing a Spanish essay," she answered, picking a corner of sugar-coated pastry from the top of the pie.
Holly could see the blood rising in Matt's veins and she felt something stirring deep inside of her in response. He looked so attractive when getting passionate about something. If only he were passionate about her. Still, she thought, that time would come...
The pair headed back to Holly's living room, almost dropping their dishes as the stranger from Holly's bed darted out of the door and back into her room.
In the living room Kate, Marc and Anna were sat silently watching the television. Matt had never seen anything else ever happen in that room. Scrubs and Malcolm in the Middle seemed to be on constant repeat as the household watched dumbstruck.
"The stranger's just been in," muttered Kate, quickly hushed by Marc.
"At the mirror again?" asked Holly, recieving a dirty look from Anna for interrupting their viewing.
Kate just nodded without tearing her eyes from the screen.
"Do you know who he is yet?" Matt dared to ask, gaining nothing but a cusion to the head for his trouble.
With nothing to console his curiousity he placed his empty bowl on the floor and went into Holly's room. The air was heavy and he had to step carefully between the books, laundry and little troll dolls which covered the floor in order to make it to the bed. The stranger was curled up with his thumb in his mouth. He wore a marroon Sweater Shop jumper and light brown trousers. Matt tapped him on the shoulder, but the stranger merely muttered something about his mother and turned over.
"Here you are." Matt jumped, startled, and turned to see Holly stood in the doorway.
"Adverts?" asked Matt. Holly nodded. He'd suspected as much.
"What's troubling you, Hols?" he asked as they made their way back to the kitchen to wash up.
It turned out Holly was worried about telling Nadia she was going to the DRA ball instead of the History Soc ball.

***

Holly was right to be concerned. Matt was, she'd been pleased to note, delighted that his friend was coming to the ball and that made confronting Nadia worth it. Nadia was, however, known to be a violent woman; she had once broken her wrist punching the man at the ice rink for giving her the wrong sized skates. Consequently Holly sat silently, watching Nadia take in the news that Holly was no longer going to her ball. She turned red, then blue and finally purple, but eventually took a few deep breaths and regained her composure.
"OK," she said. "Fine. You go to the DRA ball. And I hope you have fun."
Holly left Nadia's dwelling pleasantly surprised not to have conceded at least one black eye.
Nadia, however, silently vowed to get her revenge.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Chapter 4 - Too Much Monkey Business

Holly read Janet's e-mail with horror.
"She's coming to the ball," she mouthed to herself.
She couldn't. No way. If she came Holly would never have the chance to dance with Matt, to feel his hands on her back, to squeeze his knee...
Her thoughts were interrupted by a shout of "No! Who are you? Stop it! Stop it!" from the living room.
She ran in to see Anna cowering on the sofa as the stranger from Holly's bed stood in front of the mirror.
"Anna, what's wrong?" asked Holly in horror, only to discover the answer for herself. Beneath the stranger's foot was Monkey.
"Move, you big ape!" Holly yelled at the stranger, but he continued to ajust his hair while squashing the poor stuffed animal beneath his patented leather loafer.
Just then, Matt entered the room, saw the commotion and wrestled the stranger to the ground, rescueing the folorn monkey and returning him to Anna.
"Matt! My hero!" she cried, flinging her arms around his neck.
Holly went back to the computer, brooding that she hadn't been able to congratulate Monkey's rescuer, and began to plot ways to prevent Janet's return to St. Andrews.

***

The secret, Holly soon discovered, lay in the mystery of the 371st shoe. Holly had, in the time that she had lived with Janet, seen her whole collection. Every Saturday afternoon she had lined each shoe lovingly on the kitchen table and polished them with a flannel. On the bottom of each shoe she had written in minute handwriting the date on which and the place where each had been purchased. She had red shiny ones with six inch heels, dark leather flat ones, thirty-two pairs of trainers, each with a message in a different language inscribed on the side, sandles and flip-flops, Clarks, Hush Puppies and a much prized pair of Jimmy Choos. Yet not even these were as appreciated by Janet as the very last shoe. She polished it with more love and affection then she had shown to any of the others. She kissed it, cradled it in her arms, rubbed it gently against her cheek but never put it on. It stood alone. A single shoe.
Holly had never asked why there had been no other shoe to accompany it, and she got the impression that, had she asked, Janet would merely have pulled her hair. But now she knew. Now she had the answer.
And the answer would allow her to have Matt all to herself.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Chapter 3 - Blame it on the Weatherman

It was always hot in Spain. Even now, when three feet of snow covered the cobbled streets of the little backwater town in northern Andalucia, the electronic thermometre that hung outside the pharmacy read 34 degrees. It was Friday afternoon, and Janet perspired heavily as she struggled though the snow on her way to school for the first time that week. Why did it always have to be so hot? She looked away as she passed the shoe shop on the corner, knowing the temptation would be too much were she to see the shiny leather in the window. The mere knowledge of the shop's presence caused her to finger the coins in her pocket, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she crossed the street without making a purchase. Matt would be proud of her.

***

Matt stared out over the shimmering water, over West Sands, over the golf course and out towards the mountains in the distance. The library's air conditioning caused the pages of the book in front of him to flicker and turn over, but Matt didn't notice. His thoughts were focussed on the girl of his dreams, who was out there, somewhere. Where she was he didn't know, though he need not worry too much; if he never found her he could always marry Janet instead. She was a nice enough lass; good looking, kind, caring, compassionate. If only if it weren't for that damn shoe addiction...
He didn't notice Holly turn the corner ahead of him and dart back on seeing his face gaze out of the window. She flattened herself against the wall and wondered if he'd spotted her before hurrying down one of the aisles of books to regain her thoughts without risk of being found. Her heart was beating faster than it ought, her palms were sweating more than usual and her chest rose and fell like the waters of a lido on a cruise ship in a storm. He was so damned hansome. She imagined for a second that it were he, rather than the stranger, that inhabited her bed of a night so that she could snuggle up close to him, though quickly banished such thoughts from her head. What would Kate do? Secretly Holly wanted to be more like Kate. She always did the right thing. Ladyhead Bookshop had even started selling WWKD wrist bands alongside their Bible notes. Only one person knew Kate's weakness, and that was Matt. If she could gain his love and affection not only would she be eternally happy, she could finally become more holy because the man of her dreams would defeat Kate, currently ranked the holiest woman alive by Repenthouse following Mother Theresa's death.
Holly whimpered at the thought of her stood over Kate with Matt clinging onto her arm, before looking up with horror to see Matt wandering down the aisle towards her. One day, she thought, it would be the otherway round, but she quickly stopped this thought and composed herself. How stupid of her to hide beside the library's collection of 14th Century British Close Rolls.
"Ey up 'Ols!" came Matt's cheery greeting.
"Erm, hey," replied Holly, thinking on her feet.
"Chuffin' air conditioning keeps blowing over the pages of my book," he complained.
"Than close the window, you moose!"
"Moose?" Matt looked hurt.
"Erm, it's a very attractive animal, very muscular, apparently it easily attracts a mate and knows how to... erm..."
"How to...?" he prompted.
"You know," she replied, "make her happy."
"Her?"
"His mate." Holly blushed and looked up to see Matt looking into her eyes. Through the grime on his glasses Holly could just make out two blue rings circling dark pupils. What beautiful eyes... Matt saw her gaze and quickly looked away, his cheeks turning red.
"Are you going to the DRA ball on Sunday?" he asked.
"No," she replied, "I'm going to the History Soc ball instead."
"Oh," said Matt, disappointed. "I was going to offer you my extra ticket. Perhaps James will be my date instead." He grinned.
But at the word date Holly's stomach immediatly dropped. She'd made a horrible mistake.

***

James was delighted to be asked to the ball by Matt. Holly watched as he accepted the offer, almost spilling his cardboard cup of hot chocolate from Taste in his eagerness to appear grateful. Holly had to be there. Matt was hers. Not James'. Not Janet's. Hers. Hers alone. He was her precious. She would dance with him at the ball, she would hold his hand on the bus home. This was war.

***

Janet sat at the computer in the school staffroom. Her only lesson of the week had been cancelled, so she used the time to catch up with news back home. She was surprised to be told by Matt that the DRA ball was happening so early this year, surely it had been later the year before. Nevertheless, after sending her boyfriend an e-mail complaining at the number of hours she'd had to work that week, she logged on to the Easyjet site to book tickets to St. Andrews. She had to be there to dance with the man she adored. Nothing would stop her.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Chapter 2 - Dream a little dream

Holly lay in her bed, staring at the dark ceiling. Her room was cold, her pillow flat and her Sleeping Beauty duvet failed miserably to draw in warmth. Her Winnie the Pooh waterbottle could not warm her Peter Pan pyjamas, so she lay shiverring in the cold. She'd tried reading, but neither Tolstoy, nor The Doctor and the Milkman nor Cosmopolitan's 'Position of the Month' had brought sleep. The cold was too much.
She glared at the unknown man beside her, who was sleeping soundly, clutching a disgustingly tatty bear-like creature in his arms and murmering his love for "Mummy". Holly gleamed as he put his thumb in his mouth and pulled more of the duvet over him. Lots of bad words drifted into her mind. Could she say them? Why not? Afterall, Kate wasn't here to force her to put more of her cash, hard earned with EF, into the swear jar. Holly decided it was OK, and swore almost inaudibly at the man beside her, only to wince as the annoyingly chirpy "That's another fifty pence!" came from Kate's room. Holly swore again.
"And another!" Came the voice again.
Holly mouthed a swearword in fury.
The voice was harsh this time, no longer so chirpy. "Holly! Stop it!"
How did she know?
Holly lay back and stared at the dark ceiling. Matt's features floated into view. His ruggedly handsome face, a slight stubble on his chin resulting from six weeks without shaving. His incredibly trendy spectacles glinted in the imaginary sunlight and he winked his beautiful blue eyes at her.
Holly's heart pumped as, in her mind's eye, she saw him reach out and squeeze her knee and she gasped in guilty pleasure and felt her hand stretching out to take hold of his. The squeezes got tighter and tighter and Holly closed her eyes in a heavenly dream.

***

She jumped up with a start as the doorbell rang. She turned over, groaned and looked at the clock on her bedside table. 03:12. Holly clawed her way out of bed, rubbed her eyes and stumbled down the stairs. Who the hell was calling at this time?
She pulled open the door and James greeted her with a cheery "Good evening!". Under one arm was a small games console, while a cardboard cup from Taste was held in his free hand. He pushed past Holly and climbed the stairs to the living room, closely followed by Henry, who set up the Playstation as James went to greet Anna.
Grumbling, Holly put on the kettle. Of all the cheek, turning up at this time of night... When she went back into the living room the two adolescents were playing a noisy game of Kung Fu Kick 'Em. As she settled herself on the sofa Holly was happily informed by James that he had a Spanish test in the morning. She thought to her own Tolstoy essay, due in the following day. She'd read the first chapter and had some clear ideas. Perhaps Henry and James' visit wasn't so bad. She could, at least, use the time to read the rest of the book. As she perused the pages of her English translation of the work, flicking to find a word in her English-Russian dictionary from time to time, Holly let her mind drift once more to Matt. A guilty smile spread accross her face as she remembered her dream, and she thought about what Janet would say. She was a lucky girl. She could have her knee squeezed by Matt whenever she wanted.
"He stole her from me," she thought to herself. "She should be mine, under my control, then I could take Matt for myself. I could squeeze his knee every night of our married life, I might even be able to hold his hand." And she blushed at the thought. "But he did, he stole her from me. She's mine and I want her back. She's my precious."
Her thoughts were interrupted as the man from her bed entered the room, scurried towards the mirror, took out a comb and adjusted his hair. He winked at himself in the dusty glass and pointed at his relfection as though admiring a beautiful woman before hurrying back in the direction of Holly's room.
James, now jumping through his linked arms like a hairy baboon, asked who he was.
"How the heck should I know?" Came Holly's shrieked reply.
"Hey, hey, have you heard that Janet has 371 shoes?" asked Henry excitedly.
"Winner!" said Jim from the sofa beside Holly.
"Where the hell did you come from?" shouted Holly. "Now out, out, it's time for me to go to bed."
The group left, and Holly returned to her Sleeping Beauty duvet and her guilty dreams of Matt.